Balancing intense passion with ease and confidence by dedicating yourself to the process

A conversation that has been trending in sessions this fall has been about balancing non-attachment to the outcome with being passionate. I've heard things like, "once I realized it really wasn't that deep, I stopped getting caught up in the what ifs" and "I promise I do care about what I am working towards, but I am also okay with whatever the end results is." These are not exact quotes from clients, but a general notion to get the idea across

As I continue to ponder what I am hearing from clients, I realize that most of us have been taught to passionately care about the end result. That the end result is where we will find glory and fame and success. The challenge with that is it also allows for lots of anxiety to creep in. We think, "but what if I don't win" or "what if I'm not able to prove that I am the best". We fear losing the glory, the approval, the validation. If we lose the approval, we will be rejected. (Perhaps you know all of this is not logical, but our brains are incredibly good at catastrophizing, this is the downward spiral of performance anxiety).

But if not the result, what is there to passionately pursue?

Enter: the process.

The process is where the magic happens, regardless of the long-term goal.

Get so incredibly passionate about executing the process well and I pinky-promise… good things will come to you. It might not look like the outcome you initially envisioned. The good things will likely be better than you could ever comprehend, provided you commit to a high-quality process.

There are various ways a process can be high-quality. Let the measure of quality be how well is helps you connect to how you want to feel as you live your life.

I will speak from personal experience. In time, I have come to realize that I want to feel a sense of connection and aliveness. I want a sense of freedom, peace, and love. I want a sense of purpose.

Ways I nurture a sense of connection and aliveness: non-negotiable morning nature walks, making eye contact and small talk with strangers, and dancing. I feel most connected to myself and this life when I am paws to the earth, floating in water, or can feel the sun on my skin. I feel most alive when I move my body with love and appreciation. Moving my body also helps me process a lot of thoughts and feelings, which makes it easier to flow through my day with ease.

I nurture a sense of freedom, peace, and love by listening to the whispers of what feels best for me. I’ve gotten better at asking for people to accomodate plans, like meeting at a coffee shop that is slightly closer, and at a time that is more feasible. I have learned to better manage my schedule, and accept my internal secretary’s capacity to manage life logistics. She works overtime less often now. Listening to an honoring these whispers means I am able to show up more authentic, which only leaves room for people who can offer unconditional kindness, love, and support.

I feel an intense sense of purpose from my work. As a consultant, I get to connect with and support so many people. And I am honored that so many people trust me to support them. I also get to engage my creative and curious mind to offer unique training opportunities to individuals and teams. As much as it is my work, I also get plenty of space to play.

These are just a few examples of how you can let your feelings guide your process. I realize now that I used to be very good at overextending my secretary’s capacity, to the point my internal CEO would under perform. When I learned to listen to the feeling of overwhelm, fatigue, and burnout, I was able to adjust my process so my internal CEO could be a boss on the daily.

Prompt: If you wanted the CEO version of you to be able to show up and shine, how would they need to take care of themselves?

Let this inform your process.

Start small.

And commit to the process from a place of love (this is a non-negotiable, we do not get to shame ourselves into transformation).

Stack the new routine you are trying to develop onto something you already do. For instance, if you already brush you teeth or drink coffee, is there a new, more aligned action that you can add on? What is a small action you can stack to your existing routine that will help you show up in the pursuit of your goal of how you want to feel?

Then, slowly stack new actions or behaviors into your days, and listen to the whispers of what feels most aligned with how you want to feel.

Start to feel overwhelmed? Give yourself permission to let go of something that is weighing you down.

Start to feel bored? Mixed something new in, or challenge yourself in some way.

Start to feel tired? Offer yourself more breathing room.

When you learn to listen to the whispers, you can build a high-quality process that helps you cultivate a life you love, while also in the pursuit of lofty goals. Then, while you have a long-term goal in mind, be passionate about executing this process well (while also giving yourself grace for human-error).

Asterisk. If you are in a place of overwhelm, wondering what you can realistically do with your limited capacity, prioritize cultivating a sense of safety by eating regularly, staying hydrated, sleeping as well as you can, and building a network of people who feel safe. These are some of your basic needs as a human, and can offer immense ease, safety, and freedom when met on their own.