Understanding why athletes are afraid of being self-compassionate

Self-compassion can feel like a very complicated and scary concept, especially for young athletes.

We’re conditioned to not be overly gentle with ourselves, so when we’re told to practice self-compassion, OF COURSE we start to feel fearful and uncomfortable. This is a very natural human response! 

4 things that athletes fear around self-compassion include:

1. Becoming dependent on it 

2. Flaws showing because you are less self-critical 

3. Becoming someone you don’t want to be 

4. Becoming weak 

Let’s dive into each of these fears:

Becoming Dependent On It 

Like I said before, self-compassion is a scary and uncomfortable concept to grasp onto, especially when doing the complete opposite of being compassionate towards ourselves is more common for athletes. 

A very common thing for athletes to say is “but if I am kind to myself, I’ll just let myself off the hook and stop trying”. The first thing to know is that this fear is valid. However, if that was truly the case, you probably realized that the goals you were pushing so hard to achieve were no longer in your best interest (which is also okay!). 

The truth is, self-compassion motivates you to take action towards your goals while making sure you’re TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF along the way. Therefore, becoming dependent on self-compassion doesn’t have to be scary! In fact, you’d probably be better off if you leaned towards “dependency” than to totally resist it. 

Flaws Showing Because You Are Less Self-Critical 

I’m going to go ahead and burst this bubble now… 

You are going to have flaws regardless of how compassionate you are towards yourself. That’s the beauty of being a human! It is impossible to hide your flaws all of the time. The only thing that being critical of yourself does is make hard things even harder. 

There is NO SHAME in having flaws and “weaknesses”. And, while being okay with that fact may be uncomfortable to begin with, being self-compassionate can actually make it easier to address those “weaknesses” which eventually makes them less obvious. 

Becoming Someone You Don’t Want To Be + Becoming Weak 

These two go hand-in-hand and are a couple of the most common fears around being self-compassionate for athletes. 

You worry that being kind to yourself will make you “soft” or “not mentally tough”. I have another truth-bomb for you though… 

Self-compassion actually makes you:

• More flexible when you are faced with challenges (which are bound to occur), which makes it easier for you to problem-solve

• More likely to take responsibility for your “weaknesses” (as in work on areas that you want to improve) 

Self-compassion, and nurturing the relationship you have with yourself, goes so so much deeper than what you are doing. It changes why you are doing them, and the internal experience as you navigate challenges in the pursuit of lofty goals.

I want that for you. Do you want that for you?

Karissa