Are you actually thriving in the busy-ness?
So many athletes (and high-achieving people) I talk to share the sentiment: I love being busy.
And I do not doubt that they do enjoy it. Because busy is what they know. It is what they are comfortable with. It is what they have been conditioned or “trained” for.
But just because we are comfortable with it…
Just because we are capable of it…
Does not mean it is in our best interest.
Let’s break this down.
If you love being busy, you probably grew up in a busy household, where your schedule was packed or there was always something to be doing. There was an expectation that you had to be productive. Even “rest” was so that you could go and be productive again tomorrow.
Your body and mind get used to the level of activation that is required to be “on” all the time.
Your body and mind get comfortable there.
And there is nothing to worry about if you are able to listen to your body, and know how to increase and decrease your energy at will.
The challenge comes when you are not taught how to come down.
When your brain stays on, dwelling over what you did (perhaps, imperfectly) and planning for what is to come.
This “busy-ness” probably helped you survive, to a certain extent. [Maybe that is not what you were consciously thinking. But that need to always be going was programmed into your brain, and it eventually becomes automatic.] And I love that it helped when you needed it!
The challenge is, living in this constant state of busy-ness, and not knowing how to come down or shut your brain off, is also the source of burnout, anxiety, and overwhelm. Maybe for you, it looks like procrastination. It might also look like always needing a plan, and needing the plan to go exactly as expected.
What I often see in the athletes I work with: high-achievers, who worries about getting good grades, and placing well, and is on top of their tasks when the pressure is on. But internally, they are showing up because they are scared of missing a point, or not being ‘enough’. When they have to slow down, perhaps because of an injury, they panic about their progress.
This internal experience is what matters. It does not matter how much someone is accomplishing if they are only showing up because they have been trained to achieve, and feel like their value as a human depends on it. [Again, this might not be the thinking process that is front of mind or what they are aware of, but it is often at the root].
So, are you thriving in the busy-ness?
Or does the busy just feel comfortable because that is what you are used to?
After burning out between my second a third year of my PhD, I took my own journey through understanding why I was so motivated and could not slow down. And truthfully, slowing down was terrifying. The thought of “okay, but just wait for the next thing” is real. It keeps me on edge, ready to go when the going gets tough.
Even now, as I write in the comfort of my home, feeling safe also feel boring.
When you are used to chaos, safety and slowing down feels so boring.
But, my goodness, do I feel so much more sane and alive at the same time. I’m better at noticing when I’m leaning into the panic of “get stuff done” and learning how to turn it off when it is no longer needed or when I’m starting to gas myself out.
I used to get frustrated when I was overwhelmed, thinking “Why don’t I have any capacity?” when something unexpected would come up. I have come to realize that I actually do have a ton of capacity to cope! But I was also coping with so much already. And things that were unexpected felt like adding fuel to a burning house. I was just already maxed out!
So, what I hope you can take away from all of this is: there is value is understanding the roots of your motivation, beyond the comfort in what you’ve be raised to believe.
This theme of “loving being busy” and questioning where you source motivation will continue to come up. I have a lot of thoughts about it! So, if you want more, stay tuned. And I would love to hear your thoughts.
Do you love to be busy?
Karissa
