Feeling unsafe in a world of misogyny? Me too.
I wanted to make a catchier title about the gambling company ad and a distasteful comedian, and about how those misogynistic messages fuel violence against girls/women (as seen on university campuses).
But I couldn’t. Because, me too, I’m a Jane Doe. Violence against women is not something I care to wrap up in a bow to get eyes on content. I have notes on notes, and takes on takes of how to comment on this disturbing trend. I get so angered by it all that it feels nearly impossible to write. So, I’m going to do my best.
Let’s start with some definitions.
“Patriarchy” is a description of the world we live in, where white, straight, affluent men are seen as ideal. That means anything that is not traditionally masculine (e.g., emotions, women, the LGBTQ2+ community) is seen as less worthy. This hierarchical thinking, where men are on top, sees what is traditionally feminine as less than. Such thinking fuels “misogyny”: the hatred of women. Rather than being viewed as an equal, women are viewed as less than, as an object. Women are dehumanized, and reduced to the existance of their body. When women are rehumanized and reduced to objects, it becomes much much easier to be violent towards them.
What becomes scary is that women also buy into this belief system. It just looks a little different. Rather than competing for a spot atop the hierarchy (which is literally impossible, because “women”), we are taught to compete and fight against each other, with the ultimate prize being a man’s attention Rather than supporting each other, we choose to gossip, degrade, and fight with women because if we cannot be on top of the pyramid, maybe, just maybe, we can stand with the man who is on top. We might never be explicitly told this. But it is what we are taught by the patriarchal and misogynistic culture we live in.
The headlines over the last two months have done something to me. To be clear, I am someone who is generally confident, who can walk into a room and hold my own. I am not afraid to set boundaries, demand respect, etc.
Today, my eyes wondered around the gym. I noticed I was the only woman in a room of 10 men. I’ve been working out off and on for over 15 years. I grew up playing sports. I have a BSc in Kinesiology. I have gone through years of therapy and work to rewrite the narrative that I am more than my body. I tattooed my stomach as a reminder that I am more than my body. I know that my value goes far beyond my body, beyond visible abs, and beyond a juicy peach. In sum, I am confident being in a gym and moving my body, and see my value beyond my body.
Today, I am cautious.
Today, I thought to myself… how many of these people see my body and think, “gross, cover your stomach” and how many think, “nice tits” as I walk around in leggings and a sports bra. While these thoughts occur, I used to easy remind myself that they are just thoughts, they they need not stick. And I move on.
But, today, in 2026, I stood in a gym, wondering how I was being objectified; wondering how these men might be plotting against me.
Despite all the internal work I have done to see myself as valuable, even if I have a soft, round tummy, headlines over the last two months offer evidence women continue to be reduced to their appearance; that they are merely objects here for male consumption.
For men and women who argue “calm down, it’s just an ad,” or “it’s just comedy,” I ask you to ponder how buying into these messages also makes you a bystander to the violence; makes you a perpetrator of violence against women, just like the 50 men in the group chat. Women are mad. They are screaming. They are telling you that they feel unsafe (re-read my lived experience above). And you tell them to “calm down.” The potential for me to get assaulted when I walk across campus to my car at night is not something I am interested in “calming down” about. This palpable dismissal of how we feel is part of the violence against women we are angry about. “Calm down, it’s not a big deal”, “you’re so sensitive/dramatic/etc.” is textbook emotional manipulation, aka. psychological violence.
Unfortunately, I can almost guarantee that men and women who do by into patriarchal, misogynistic beliefs are not the one’s reading this. I continue to contemplate how to make it make sense for them. And, if I get clever, I’ll loop you in so we can do it together.
KJ
